Defeated

Often times when I lay down to sleep at night, a phenomenon occurs.

It happens when I'm in that early sleep stage when I'm talking to myself. Often times I'll think of something that needs a long and intricate explanation like a philosophical analysis of "The Big Lebowski".

After my mind has released from my grasp, but before I'm in full sleep mode, is when the magic happens.

Brilliant musical and lyrical ideas are flying around in my brain. Most often when I enter this euphoric dream music state, I compose a completely original song in my head complete with lyrics and guitar solos and harmonized horn parts and catchy drum beats. And I hear this complete song, written in real mental time in my brain, and think "THIS IS AMAZING".

Now, most of you are thinking "GREAT!, wake up and write this down."
I have a notepad and pen conveniently placed next to my bed for this exact reason.

However, 1 of 2 things happens.

1 - My mind fades farther into dream land, and I'm unable to stir and document what I just heard in my head. Thus the song is lost in my head forever.

or

2 - I wake up and write the entire song down note for note. I grab my guitar and the song flows out of me onto the paper and triumphant joy rushes through me.


But, my brain is so fantastical that option number 2 never actually occurs.


Instead...


I FUCKING HAVE DREAMS OF WRITING THESE SONGS DOWN!

Vivid High Def dreams with Dolby 5.1 Surround Sound of me going "YESSS, I got it! I finally got a great song." Then, upon awaking, I would deflate and reality would set in. Another great tune lost because I had dreamt of writing it down.

And so here I sit, waiting for that inspiration to come to me that will let me compose the brilliance that I know my subconscious is capable of.

Fall Log

During a recent trip to Chicago, I visited the Field Museum of Natural History. There were all the exhibits you would expect. Rooms with large glass cases full of shiny gems and rare metals. Halls with dozens of tribal Indian outfits and massive totem poles.
My Favorite was the hundreds of displays of petrified animals posing in front of pictures of their natural habitats. First off, every time I walked by a Lion, or a Jaguar, or a Snow Leopard, or whatever other large wild feline, I couldn't help but say "awww look at the kitty!".
Not a reaction one would expect from a heterosexual male. But hey, I like cats.

I really liked how they showed the common ancestors of rare or endangered animals. For instance, they had the "Wooly Flying Squirrel" located directly next to the cleverly named "Squirrel". I paid fifteen bucks to see dead in a case, what I could see dead on the side of the road. This same thing was repeated with Pigeons, Beavers and other EXOTIC wildlife.

Anyway, after I had met all the wildlife of Africa and Asia, I made my way into the World of Birds exhibit. Not the most interesting room, especially because of the single species of birds that had only a different adjective in front of their name. Spotted, Striped, etc. Instead of examining the hundreds of species of birds on display, I used the exhibit as a Word Search type activity, which I will call a "Bird Search". Basically, I would think of a feathered animal and look around till I located it. Peacock, check, Snowy Owl, check, Turkey, oddly enough...check.

Instead of learning something, I went around like an ass looking for a stuffed, inanimate version of what I've seen many times before.

On my way out of the Bird exhibit, I saw the above shown sign. It confused the hell out of me. I then looked down, and saw what looked like a piece of firewood anchored to the ground. Demonstrating how lazy I really am, I walked away. But over the next minute wondered, what can you find under fall logs??? It ate away at me. I decided to turn around and lift the log and satisfy my curiosity.

By now, I was already back into the main hall of the museum. To gracefully turn around and feel less like an idiot, I did the "pocket-pat". It consists of you giving the illusion that you've lost something by hitting your pant pockets, checking your jacket pockets and looking around on the floor.

I know, you're wondering what was under the fall log. It was a stupid tree lizard. Captivating, I know. The sign is more interesting. It is a challenge to your sanity.

Music or Not Music

This is John Cage's "4'33". 4 minutes and 33 seconds of silence. I hope you didn't watch the entire video like I did. Each second waiting for the orchestra to break into song. I eventually got anxious and skipped ahead at 30 second intervals and was surprised to hear nothing.

Cage says "Music is 2 parts, sound and silence", and this embraces only 1 element of that. Thus it isn't music.

I wouldn't consider myself clever if I wrote 10 pages of rests.

This kind of insanity is on par with Atonal Music, which is music with no key center. For instance, I could bang my head on a piano randomly and it would be Atonal music. And High School Music Theory teachers everywhere would praise me and give a senile grimace.

This piece shows me nothing about John Cage's abilities or talents as a writer. A blind, deaf, mute, quadriplegic Sea Otter in a coma could write this. I'll take it a step farther. This Musical Sea Otter could be dead and write this.

So by the transitive property of life, John Cage is a dead Sea Otter.

Headphones suck

After a lengthy hiatus and another step down the Path of Righteousness, I've returned to share my experiences with the world.

I would consider myself somewhat of a music buff. I've learned to appreciate all forms and styles of music. My previous sentence is loaded and will lead to future blog posts. Consider this one to be an initial installment in a multiple part series which will be uniquely titled at a later date.

Anyway

I, like millions of others, enjoy listening to music while working on the computer or surfing the internet. For the past several months, I've been using a cheap pair of headphones for my digital audio experience and I didn't realize how crappy they truly were until I tried my 4.1 Quadraphonic speaker system again. They allow the sounds of a driving drum line or a screaming guitar solo to engulf you.

Ok, the real reason why speakers are better than headphones is the lack of wires.
Let me explain.

Imagine me, in my rolling office chair, with a pair of headphones on, hunched over with my head nearly touching the floor, and the damn headphone wire tangled up in the chairs wheel. Forget me taking the headphones off, that would make way too much sense. Instead, I'm gonna shimmy the chair around with my ass in an attempt to unroll and untangle the wire from the wheel. Genius, I know.

After nearly being decapitated practicing the afore mentioned method, I chose to use speakers.

Now my head is safe from the evil headphones and I can serenade the entire house with cheesy 80's hair band music.